Post MoM AU, general post

[use_everything]

And then one day, it was over.

The memory of how it happened was hazy. Perhaps it was as simple as being ported out, perhaps there was a great experiment, bringing together physicists, chemists, alchemists and scientists to get something WORKING. But like the memories of that time, that other dimension, singular events come and go, like a dream, or an age past.

From the very start, however, there were changes.

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[dendarii]

[ All of Miles' breath escapes him in a rush. Simultaneously nostalgic of and aching for Gregor's presence, he welcomes that familiar-yet-different surge of water back into his head. He relishes in the complexity he can feel over the link. Hell, even Gregor's multi-tiered nervousness about what to do is its own kind of beautiful. Miles doesn't know the answer to any of that, but neither does Gregor. If neither of them know, then surely that means they can figure it out together, right? It's what's keeping Miles afloat here, anyway.

His own mental landscape is similar yet changed as well. The cliffs are starker, the drops from high to low a little sharper, and the omnipresent sense of an audience in the back of his head has done his self esteem no favors. Piotr's double-edged gifts continue to cut him in this version as it did the first time around. The fears are slightly modified now: fear of his powers being discovered, fear of undermining the Imperium, fear of destroying everything his father (and Gregor) have built. This is another wildly dangerous thing to add to the pile ...

The other noticeable change are Miles' memories, of course. Of everyone affected by the timeline changes, Miles has the most difference between the two sets of memories. Growing up with Tex alone would have guaranteed that, much less the telepathy. (And Bothari is alive, and they're going to rescue Mark--) He's still himself, absolutely, but he has more than a small amount of discrepancies to work through.

But most importantly ... he remembers that golden thread of love between them. It glimmers there now in the bottom of his psyche, dimmed perhaps by recent uncertainty but no less present. He extends a tendril of his own rose gold affection to Gregor as he reaches out to welcome Gregor into his mind. Warm, brilliant sunlight streaming across in all its glorious radiance. Physically, he leans in close to Gregor, his head tipped up towards the taller man's face. ]

I love you too, Gregor. [ The words come out as a murmur, this close. ] God, I love you so much.

[vorbarra]

[ In the back of Gregor's mind is a whole empire, some faded by distance but hundreds of millions crowded close unawares, pressing on the edges of his consciousness and held at bay by an iron will. In some respects, Gregor has become less forgiving; he has no need for doubt anymore, no need to dispense mercy just in case they are undeserving. He knows when they are, he knows for certain. He is a more resolute figure by far.

But in private, it has made him more protective, and more frail. He hears everything, knows everything, and it is awful, many times. Every private criticism and bleak thought. He's never come close to considering a romantic relationship with anyone, before Cavilo; had only dallied with one or two ambassadors' daughters purely because he couldn't hear them.

He's sick to death sometimes of knowing too much. But with Miles what he finds is never anything that surprises him, never past what he can stand knowing. The hidden darkness in Miles is all self-inflicted, or another victim of Barrayar. That with his new memories makes him easy to love-- not just easy but necessary.

He kisses him in answer, mouth first and then whole body following, sliding out of his chair and half-crouched to meet him at his level. A thousand half-formed memories flow through him of kneeling, of sitting on counters, of picking him up, the ways they deal with the height difference easy as breathing over time. Could he have that again? Could Gregor ever feel so easy with anyone?

He's not sure he would believe it possible with anyone but Miles. That hope cuts him keenly, aches. He's setting himself up for so much vulnerability, not toward Miles but toward the rest of the universe, which could take him away in a thousand different ways.

Gregor is falling off a cliff, hurtling into an abyss... but doesn't he get something for himself? Just this? ]

[dendarii]

[ Fortunate that Miles is an expert in cliff-jumping, then. He leans into Gregor's touch greedily, hands reaching up to frame his emperor's neck and face. He's missed this so much. The way they fit together, how Gregor makes Miles feel more comfortable with his size without ever diminishing him. The warmth of his skin, the way Miles has to tilt his head to avoid knocking into Gregor's distinctive nose. (He remembers, with a mental laugh, how that had been the feature to set him off.) Miles presses himself against Gregor bodily, wanting to make as much contact as possible without removing clothing.

(God, the logistics of that are going to be a nightmare. Privacy - choosing guards - all of it -)

Nothing to think about right this second. Not when Gregor is holding him close and kissing the life out of him. Over the link, Miles is just blasting a tangle of need and joy and disbelief in roughly equal portions. Here they are, home on Barrayar, wrapped up in each others' arms. Miles had never really been certain on Earth if they could really make this happen. Now ... it totally can. The only thing standing between them now is an entire Imperium. ]

I love you, Gregor. And I want this more than anything else in the world. [ Said telepathically, as his mouth is thoroughly occupied. ]