Post MoM AU, general post

[use_everything]

And then one day, it was over.

The memory of how it happened was hazy. Perhaps it was as simple as being ported out, perhaps there was a great experiment, bringing together physicists, chemists, alchemists and scientists to get something WORKING. But like the memories of that time, that other dimension, singular events come and go, like a dream, or an age past.

From the very start, however, there were changes.

Comments

[dendarii]

[ He's had more time to settle into his own skin, without Barrayar or the Dendarii there to shape him. And ... he carries the last vestiges of the old timeline in those memories too. Like a small kernel deep down in the bottom of his soul. Miles remembers two complete childhoods, even if they mostly overlap. That reconciliation is going to take some time too.

For now, he just focuses on this aspect. ]

Like serving coffee? Maybe we could set something up in Hassadar for old time's sake.

[use_everything]

That would be a quick way out of politics and into retirement. Even our party can't quite take that much egalitarianism. [The rumble of amusement echoed over the link. The vaguely awkward.. well... classism was blunted and dulled from years of removal.] Your mother saw me off on this venture wearing a pair of slacks and a blouse, I thought old Vortala was going to go that moment.

[dendarii]

[ Another pang at that familiar image. For once, he's desperate to get back home, even if it does mean spending the first day in bed with a headache. He's been away from Barrayar for too long. Hell, he even sort of misses Kyril Island. Sort of. ]

Does she remember too? Did she remember from the beginning?

[use_everything]

[He'll have to have Simon destroy all of the recordings. He really will have to get everything monitoring this room cleared, because he had no heart for vaguarities anymore.]

She has. Held up with grace beyond measure, but that is no more notable than gravity continuing to hold sway.

[dendarii]

[ He nods at that, and something uncoils in his shoulders. If Da had Mother, and vice versa ... ]

Good. I think that would be rather lonely otherwise. Or maddening.

[use_everything]

I doubt I'd have lasted. Even had she not remembered, I'd have laid the whole mess at her feet and let her decide if I was worth importing a few of her Betan head doctors or not.

I like to think she'd believe me, but she's a terribly practical woman.

[dendarii]

Of course she would have. She'd have believed you regardless. [ Miles' faith in his mother resounds brightly over the link. After all, he'd confessed his own voices to her faster than he had to Aral, and not just because Bothari went to her first. His thoughts turn practical after a moment. ] And - you'd have had proof, right? It's not your only power.

[ He flicks back through his memories - his real memories? alternate? should he even try dividing them? - trying to remember if he ever saw Aral's metal men as a child. ]

[use_everything]

Hm, that would have cinched it, wouldn't it? [He hadn't had to wander down that particular thought experiment before. It is nice to find it one of the cleaner ones. That pure note of faith finds an echo in Aral.] She'd hardly grown up with our collections of stories and prejudices.

[dendarii]

Thank God for that. [ He shakes his head lightly. ] I thought I was going crazy at first. Bothari understood from the outset, though ...

[ That fleeting thought about his bodyguard brings a sudden clash of memories. Deep, black guilt shot through with equally bright relief. Bothari, killed by Elena Visconti because he'd had the bright idea to reunite Elena with her mother. Except that wasn't how it had gone this time. The scene had still happened, but at the last moment - perhaps reacting to Miles' scream of guilt and sorrow over the link - Bothari had turned just enough to make the needler attack crippling rather than fatal. Miles goes very pale for a moment. ]

Bothari's alive. [ Said almost reverently, his voice (and the link) filled with muted gratitude. ]

[use_everything]

[There's a moment... a kick of habit, that nearly kept the answer from rising.]

He is. He knows a great deal. I owed him that much.

[It wasn't everything. There had been a conversation, a very intense one, if one of few words, telling Bothari what to expect with Elena Visconti.. to let him decide for himself his own fate. It was too deeply private and personal to Bothari to relay.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles nods slowly at that. His dizzy relief isn't going to fade any time soon. ]

And he survived because of it. If there's one thing worth changing ...

[use_everything]

Something changed enough, anyway.

[He reaches up and clasps Miles' shoulders (a careful sort of firm) and nods back to the chairs.]

Sit, we've a lot to talk about.

[dendarii]

[ He's still as delicate as he always was, as those bones won't be replaced for a while yet. He follows his father's gesture and settles himself down in one of the chairs. ]

... I'm not even sure where to begin.

[ Other than "a lot." The massive tangle between the two of them doesn't seem to have a thread he can easily pick at. ]

[use_everything]

[He settles into the seat across from him.]

Are you all right? - is one. Several things have changed... Perhaps Gregor had the right of it in trying not to learn the future. Knowing but not acting isn't something I am capable of, it seems.

[dendarii]

[ He has to think about that hard. How does he quantify such a thing? Both sets of memories feel like his life, even when they conflict. ]

I... think so. I don't know how I would tell. [ He shakes his head. ] I don't think I broke as many bones this time around, but I think getting powers at eight was infinitely more dangerous.

[use_everything]

Yes... Yes it was. [And complicated in so many ridiculous ways. What cruel fate would inflict an eight year old that could turn into a bird on a parent? How many situations did he stop just by being able to catch him with a nullfication before that terrible idea hatched?]

[dendarii]

[ So many times. And there had been other near misses too, with Miles turning into a bird or shrinking to avoid a bully, and having to be found by Bothari later. Not to mention the telepathy... He muses on that last part for a moment. ]

I spend more time off world. The headaches are horrible sometimes. I don't understand how you and Gregor did it all those years.

[use_everything]

I think Gregor had the worst of it, honestly. A good third of the District Counts would rather eat nothing but horseshit for the rest of their lives than swear an honest oath to me. Thank God.

[The worst of which had ended when he'd stepped down... holding only his entire District. Gregor was not so fortunate.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles winces instantly in realization of the impact that would have. Hell, he'd seen it years and years ago. Gregor confined to bed for the first few days... ]

He's held up since then. Not quite the same, I think. But this - [ He gestures vaguely at the ship ] - all still happened.

[use_everything]

It did.

[That was a bloody tangle. As much as he knew it was going to happen, he'd still failed to prevent it. Further, preventing it could have been a much worse outcome. It boils down to a fervent, if not entirely intentional Thank you for finding him. crossing amidst a phantom pang of a pinched nerve of having two of his children in danger.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles' breath catches at that unspoken, accidental statement. For a moment, he has to bow his head with the weight of it. ]

Of course. I - I couldn't do anything else. When I realized that the link was stronger because I was in the next cell...

[ It had been all forward momentum from there. ]

[use_everything]

[There's surprise that doesn't show on the old man's face, diffuse over the line. It had been ages since he'd had anything this open... he forgot how easy it was to slip.

And how nice it was to be understood, and to understand.

He sets his elbows on the back of the chair he's astride.]

No, you really wouldn't. Even without knowing... Ah.

Have you talked to him yet? [Has he remembered as well?]

[dendarii]

[ He can't help the faint echo of surprise on his end as well. Even with all his memories, it's still startling to feel the emotions beneath his father's stony face. He has to remind himself that Da feels that all the time, not just when the link is open. ]

No, not yet. And I'm not sure. I was sort of distracted by... [ Well, everything coming back at once. He still feel a sense of static in his head. ] I'll talk to him after he's done with politics.

[ There's an anticipatory warmth underlying that particular thought. And an undercutting throb of nervousness too. If Gregor doesn't remember, that's going to be painful to endure. ]

[use_everything]

[He nods at that. The idea that Cordelia would not have remembered at the same time he did... Their last subject of discussion hasn't quite removed that ache of an unnecessary pain or the relief that it never came to pass.]

Good luck. [It's heartfelt.

A beat.]

However your discussions turn out... let us know. Lady Vorpatril has been apprised of a number of possibilities.

[dendarii]

[ The mention of Alys prompts widened eyes and a note of surprise. (And a well-timed distraction; he really doesn't want to think about Gregor not remembering him.) ]

She has? ... How did she find out? Who else knows?

[ Although, on second thought ... maybe it's not such a big surprise. Alys would b completely necessary to any level of secrecy. ]