Post MoM AU, general post

[use_everything]

And then one day, it was over.

The memory of how it happened was hazy. Perhaps it was as simple as being ported out, perhaps there was a great experiment, bringing together physicists, chemists, alchemists and scientists to get something WORKING. But like the memories of that time, that other dimension, singular events come and go, like a dream, or an age past.

From the very start, however, there were changes.

Comments

[dendarii]

[ Miles settles himself in his usual nest of pillows without resistance. But that doesn't mean he's stopped watching Bothari, or fearing the newness of that reaction. Seeing it on his parents is one thing. Hell, seeing it on Tex is one thing. Bothari ... never him. What the hell is going on here? ]

You know something though.

[ His voice quavers slightly. ]

[use_everything]

My lord. [Bothari looked to the chair and then back to Miles, asking oddly enough, for permission, instead of looming like a great mountain above him.]

[dendarii]

[ Bothari asking permission. Bothari looking worried. What is he going to say then? Is Miles a mutant after all? Is that why his head feels full to bursting.

He just nods his agreement to that, unable to say anything out loud without potentially bursting into tears. He stubbornly holds them back even now. ]

[use_everything]

[He settles, the mountain making himself into a molehill and considered Miles. He knew. His Lady had entrusted Miles to him. And one day, out of nowhere, shortly after Miles was born, they gave him a secret. Miles was his. His frustration, his headache, his greater task. It's not redemption. There's no redemption.

But there is this.

Miles was nearly weeping. It was a rare sight, never put on. It wasn't in the child's formidable armory of manipulation and games. Water was honest with this one.

His hands clenched and released, jaw set. He was never strong with words, wasn't any bloody Vor. So he picked them, careful, brushing gold out of dirt.]

It's loud, right?

[dendarii]

[ Miles has tried out nearly every other tool at his disposal, up to and including breaking his delicate finger bones in Bothari's grip. But not tears. Part of that is Piotr's influence; part of that is Miles' sheer stubbornness and refusal to let others see him weak over his injuries. Pain is inevitable. Showing it is not.

He gulps in deep breaths until he thinks he can speak without crying. It's still close, though, and he nods jerkily before anything comes out. ]

It was - it was the worst in the village. I could hear them whispering even when they didn't say anything.

[ Mutant, mutant, mutant. Like acid dripping directly into his brain. ]

[use_everything]

[It's not the same. It's not the same. His lips pursed into a hard line, chasing that thought. He knew it was different. Felt it once when he made Vorkosigan prove it..]

It's not in the ears. [Like his. Sometimes. The medications were good this time. Kept the right parts sharp, and the right parts fuzzy and sleepy.]

Deeper.

[dendarii]

[ Another nod. He stares back at Bothari with his mother's clear gray eyes, curiosity mingled in with his exhaustion now. ]

Yeah. Inside my head. [ His voice falls to a whisper. ] Do you know what they are?

[use_everything]

[It's the eyes. It's always the eyes. Looking at him like there's more of him. He straightened a bit, unconsciously.]

Thoughts. Other peoples'.. [Compulsively, he added:] not yours.

[dendarii]

[ It makes a strange kind of sense. And Miles is young enough to accept that such a thing can be true even without an explanation.

It doesn't quite soothe the underlying fear, though. ]

... What does that make me? Am I a mutant after all?

[use_everything]

It's something else. A wormhole accident. [That had made sense, when Vorkosigan had said it. Pilots always said jumps could do some weird things. They had stories. He believed them, kept his own charms close when the Vorkraft made those sickening lunges.

But none of those stories were worse than where he was before that.]

Your parents.. [He trailed off, eyeing Miles' reaction before making that cautious continuation of this particularly laconic story.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles, meanwhile, furrows his brows. A wormhole accident? Despite his initial relief (and desperation to believe any explanation but mutated), that explanation is harder to swallow than the thought of having telepathy in the first place. ]

I've never had any wormhole accidents. [ But ... there's something else in his expression now. That dream he'd had ... ]

[use_everything]

[Bothari was sharp to details, almost always when his young Lord didn't want him to be.

He didn't ask, just made an "out with it" gesture.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles hesitates even then, but - in the end, he really doesn't have any secrets from Bothari and Tex. Not at this age. ]

I had this weird dream. It felt real. I was on this other Earth, and Da and Mother and Gregor were there, and Tex too, and we all had superpowers. And I could sort of remember being older.

[ He shifts a bit on the bed. ]

But I thought it was just a dream.

[bothari]

[He didn't answer for long moments. There was a tic around Bothari's eyes, expression drawn and pinched into thought. It was wild enough to be a dream. Might have been.]

We'll talk to your father.

[dendarii]

[ Miles' eyes instantly widen, a spike of horror cutting through their link. ]

-- No! No, you can't!

[bothari]

[He had been prepared for the argument. He wasn't prepared for the emotion. It lanced through him, shuddering up his spine as if it was his.

Something went red around his eyes and his breath caught. He focuses on unclenching his fist, one finger at a time. For a moment, that was his world. Breathing. Index finger. Breathing. Middle. Breathing... The only feedback coming across the link to Miles is red and white noise.

He look over slowly at his ward.]

Why not?

[dendarii]

[ Miles continues to broadcast fear and misery loudly. If his father finds out - if there's any hint at all that he might possibly be mutated - He gulps in air, not even noticing the white noise coming from Bohari. ]

He'll ... he'll think I'm crazy. Or mutated. And I'd never get to see Gran'da again. Or ever leave.

[ Disappointment and overprotection seem worse than anything else in the world right now. ]

[bothari]

No. [It was simple, absolute. He knew better and that's all he had to say on the subject.

He took in a breath and broke it all, against his better judgement. It was against his own orders. But something black knew fear, knew despair and wore them like cloak and sharp claws. It wasn't something that should be anywhere near Miles. He needed to breathe.]

But fine. For now.

[dendarii]

[ Miles just shakes his head. Aral is still too imposing and distant of a figure for Miles to have the implicit trust required to talk to him directly about this. "For now" will have to work. Maybe if he can make the voices stop, he can pretend this isn't happening...

He scoots forward until he can just barely lean against Bothari. ]

Thank you.

[bothari]

[There's a low rumble that passes for a sigh from Bothari. He doesn't move away, just lets Miles rest there. Bothari sets his own hands calmly, without tremor, on his own knees.]

You need to promise to tell me if it gets worse.

[dendarii]

[ Miles considers that. Then he nods after a moment. ]

If I can't fix it. And it gets worse. I'll tell you.

[bothari]

[He squints at Miles, wary regard filtering across between them. He's going to have to watch what "fixing" attempts are too, isn't he?]

Your word.

[dendarii]

[ He sure is. Miles trying to fix a problem is often more dangerous than the solution ... For now, though, Miles lifts his chin and looks Bohari in the eyes/ ]

My word.

[bothari]

[It was an open promise, full of loops to squirm through and backtrack, which he knew Miles would do as sure as the sun rises or the moons cross the sky. But there's no point in arguing finer points.. not when he could use how sloppy an eight year old can get when they think they're being clever.]

Good. Are you going to be able to sleep?

[dendarii]

[ Miles slumps a bit in relief. The voices aren't quieter, exactly, but they aren't louder just yet. If he thinks about other things then he can sort of ignore them. And he is very tired. ]

I think so. Yeah.