barrayar | Post MoM AU, general post

Post MoM AU, general post

And then one day, it was over.

The memory of how it happened was hazy. Perhaps it was as simple as being ported out, perhaps there was a great experiment, bringing together physicists, chemists, alchemists and scientists to get something WORKING. But like the memories of that time, that other dimension, singular events come and go, like a dream, or an age past.

From the very start, however, there were changes.

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[ Miles has never been happier to see Gregor in his life. A surge of bright joy bursts through the otherwise black misery radiating from him, so profound is his relief to have Gregor here. He bypasses Gregor's hands entirely to throw his tiny arms around the other boy's waist. And there he continues to sob as quietly as he can possibly manage. That's a skill he's learned already even at this young age.

It's hard to think past the roiling mass in his head, but he tries anyway. He only has one district to deal with, thank Mom's god and whoever else will listen to him. Wiping at his face, he manages to pull himself together long enough to speak. ]

I - I don't know. Everyone is too noisy, Gregor. Make it stop, please.

[ As if the Emperor can just magically dictate what goes on in Miles' head. He's old enough to know better but ... the plea slips out anyway. ]

[ The surge of joy is gratifying and overwhelming for a moment, but it isn't to last. Gregor swallows and tries to figure out how to answer this plea and Miles's uncharacteristic sobbing.

Carefully, he wraps his arms around Miles in return and lifts him up, carrying him back to his bed and clambering on with him when he sets him down. ] I don't know if I can, [ he says quietly. ] Are you hearing them like I'm hearing you? Like a... a short-wave signal?

[ Miles doesn't even protest being picked up and placed carefully back in bed. A sure sign that something is wrong. He leans his head against Gregor's shoulder after, as if doing so will still the pain in his head.

He opens his mouth to respond - and then jolts with surprise. ]

You can hear me too? Not just - [ He waves at his mouth as he clamps it shut. ]

Not just what?

[ Gregor's too preoccupied to piece together what he hadn't said. He frowns down at Miles in concerned confusion. ]

I heard you all day, [ he admits after a moment. ] But I didn't realize it was you until just now. I don't know what's going on. [ It's like a fairy tale or a myth, and Gregor is young enough to have some wonder at that, some credulity-- but not if it's hurting Miles so much, and he is, ultimately, a very rational sort of teenager. He doesn't just accept the impossible wholesale, he's merely too practical to waste time belaboring it. ]

[ Miles is younger and more excitable. Also, having read way more holonovels and Shakespeare given it's all he gets to do when he's having a bad health day. It seems entirely possible to him that he's mutated something that makes him hear voices. (Could Gregor be mutated too? It's a dimly comforting thought, even if it makes him feel a little guilty for thinking it.) ]

Not just my voice. Voices. They're in my head. [ Another wavering sunbeam of nervousness. ] It started when we were in the village a couple days ago. [ He presses on. ] But if you can hear me too, maybe I'm not crazy.

[ Or mutated. Please, please don't be mutated... ]

[ This time he's listening closely enough to hear the faint whisper of mutant and his frown deepens. ]

You can't spontaneously develop mutations later in life, [ Gregor tells him firmly, sensibly. ] And I've never heard of one like this in the first place. It has to be something else. It's like you're a, a receiver stuck on. Maybe you can turn it off.

[ It makes more intuitive sense that Gregor's ability to hear him stems from Miles when he thinks about it, since Miles can hear all these people and Gregor can only hear him. ]

I dunno what else it could be. So it has to be a mutation.

[ That fear is stubborn, still, if eased somewhat by Gregor's assertion. If he can figure out what's going on, then maybe ... ]

And I dunno how to turn it off. I tried. It's just getting noisier.

... Can you focus just on me, maybe? [ he suggests tentatively. In absence of any answers, he needs to figure out a workable solution right now. Miles might be smart, but he's still a kid and Gregor feels very responsible for looking after him, which has been his de facto duty many times, no matter how many Armsmen are around them both. ]

Like tuning in. I don't mind you hearing me.

[ Not if it's Miles, anyway. ]

[ Miles sniffles and eyes the older boy thoughtfully. Just focus ... can he do that? He's willing to try. Gregor is safe after all, having been his first (and most treasured) link so far. Puffing out his cheeks, he closes his eyes in an attempt to concentrate.

He flickers over their link like a star. Bright and small, full of brilliance. ]

Okay. I'm gonna try that. It can't be any worse.

[ Indeed, Gregor's mind might have depth to it but at this age there's very little lurking apart from some habitual drifting sadness that he mostly manages to stifle. He has some moments where the tragedies he remembers from childhood overwhelm him, but they feel far away now; he's fully focused on Miles and puzzling this out, and the only thing flitting through him is a soft, warm concern and bafflement. ]

It... feels different, [ he says slowly. ] I think I can feel you listening. It's really weird.

[ It's a glorious relief after all that poison dripping into his head. Even when not directed at him specifically, the chorus of mutant has been almost too much to bear. He nearly bursts into tears again as he leans over the link more, sheltering himself in the calm of Gregor's mind. ]

Oh. Me too. It's - you're warm. And soft. And quiet.

[ He smiles slightly, trying to hide his deepening worry, not fully realizing how futile that is in the circumstances.

He carefully moves to fold an arm around Miles in a half-hug, habitually deliberate about personal contact. ] What's surprising about that? [ he asks in a soft joke. He can sense the tremulous edge of tears. ] Isn't that how I am normally?

[ Miles leans in gingerly, his usual effusiveness made delicate by the roar in his skull. The quieting roar, thank god. Another sniffle as he wipes at his face. ]

Yeah. But I can feel it. And it makes my head feel better.

[ Gregor is at least intense enough to block out the tumult of everyone else. He might be even-keeled, but it's with a weightiness that lends a deep consideration to everything he does, even at fourteen. ]

I'm glad it worked, [ he says honestly, before adding in a mutter, ] even if I don't know what's going on. Was this happening to you before vacation?

[ If this works, what are they going to do when the vacation is over? Gregor can't stick around. ]

[ Miles shakes his head at that. A mental image drifts over: Miles feeling headachey right after his picnic with Aral, which had exploded into a chorus of voices when he'd gone to a local village afterwards. Telling Bothari. Feeling terrified of Da finding out. ]

No. It just started. I dunno what's making it happen.

[ This is hard to sort through at first. Gregor's brow furrows as he pieces together the flashes he sees, indistinct impressions.

He can certainly empathize with being afraid of Aral finding out. He doesn't think he would decry his son even if he was a mutant (that much is hard to miss) but it's also not something Gregor would leap to tell him, either. Rocking the boat that hard is... scary. ]

But you told Armsman Bothari? [ he clarifies, with some relief. At least someone responsible for looking after Miles knows. ] He can get you away if it gets too bad.

[ That relief flickers on Miles' end as well. For all he'd been terrified to tell Bothari too ... at least someone knows. ]

Uh huh. He figured it out. Or - more like he knew already. Said it was a wormhole accident.

A-- what? [ Gregor stares at him. ]

When did you go through a wormhole?

Never! 'cept when I went back to Beta Colony that one time, but that was ages ago.

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Post MoM AU, general post

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