I am junking up this beautiful community with this junk

[jacksonian]

All the other starters are so beautiful but instead I'm coming in and ruining everything with this useless post with this sad sack
Comment to this post and I will write you something

Comments

[vorbarra]

Now this is an odd response. The grin is all Miles, but Gregor is used to reading him, Miles no less relaxed around Gregor as Gregor is around him.

He nudges his horse over a fallen branch and casts his companion a sidelong, speculative glance. An obvious deflection around a chance to brag to a rare audience about his exploits reads as concerning, not about his identity but just about what must've happened.

"It's woefully unglamorous work, is what it is. Not that what you do isn't unglamorous at times. Did something happen, last mission? I know you don't put everything in your reports to Simon."

He doesn't know that for a fact straight from him, but he just assumes.

[jacksonian]

He doesn't want a continuation of that line of questioning. The nausea from this morning suddenly returns with a vengeance - sick acid sloshing horribly in his stomach, burning his throat. He wonders if he can kill the Emperor before the guards stun him. Or nerve-disrupt him. No, stun - they'd never risk deadly weapons around their liege. His life is worth so much - they'd die before they'd let anything happen to him.

What do you have to do, to get that sort of loyalty? What do you have to do to not be expendable? Start by being born an original, instead of a copy, I suppose...

"Have you read the report? From my last mission." Please no. Because I have no idea what the details are. Don't catch me in a lie.

[vorbarra]

But there's really only one possible answer to his question, with Gregor's wistful envy for his second life.

"Of course. It's all fascinating to me. Plus I've met a few of your Dendarii, remember? I admit I scan the casualty report to see if anyone whose name I remember is on it... Elena, for one."

That's a morbid comment but the pure truth, and Gregor tries to ease into the discussion, gentle Miles into revealing whatever it is that's bothering him. He thinks it might be easier for him to come at it sideways, assuring him that he doesn't need any of the story repeated if he doesn't wish to go into it. Just straight to the bit that he needs to get off his chest.

[jacksonian]

Fuck.

"Of course I'd let you know if anything happened to Elena." Probably...No, of course Elena Bothari-Jasek, the Barrayaran-born girl who had some connection to Vorkosigan. One of the many, many clues linking the Dendarii to the Vorkosigans, one of the many clues that the Komarrans didn't pick up on. The clone is finding it...harder, feeling contempt for them as his own fear grows.

"But really, everything that happened was there in the report. That was one where I really did include everything. Is your horse limping?"

Pay attention to anything else, get distracted...

[vorbarra]

He was a bit concerned and curious earlier, but now he's progressing straight into actively worried, Gregor frowning at him directly, eyebrows knitting. Distracting Gregor from the point is fairly futile. He'd be a supremely ineffective emperor if he were that simple to manipulate, and he's made damned sure he isn't, these days.

"Miles, that was particularly ham-handed of you. Is there some reason you don't want to tell me? You can just say so. You know I'm not going to demand it of you." He says that with a sort of duh tone in there, as if the thought of Gregor using his rank to compel answers is ludicrous and they both know it.

"I thought you might like a chance to vent, since I know you won't speak to your mother. I don't think you ever put everything that happened in the report. That's why Simon keeps sending them back with a million corrections."

[jacksonian]

He'd thought that would work. Barrayarans are obsessed with their horses. Why didn't that work? Okay. So - what if he just does say, I don't want to tell you? The Emperor says I won't demand it of you... But that's obviously a lie, right? Or not a lie - it's a trap. "Miles" says he doesn't want to cooperate, and that means anger. Cold command. The Emperor's demand that the impostor be held fast and clapped in chains to be drawn and quartered later at his leisure. Or worse. Barrayarans don't execute their enemies kindly - the only ones they treat worse are their own. And which one am I...?

"It just wasn't the spectacular success I wanted," he responds, which is neutral enough. How could the Emperor call him out on that? "Too many dead." Does Vorkosigan beat himself up? He must. He has to. "They're interesting reads, though, aren't they? Even with details edited out."

[vorbarra]

This is both the right note and... not quite right. Miles always does want spectacular successes, and he is haunted by those that are killed under his command (who isn't; Gregor knows that keenly himself) but at the same time...

It's very cavalier. Miles is only cavalier when he's hiding something, or focused on some other goal and subsequently impatient, or... speaking to someone he doesn't know.

"Yes, interesting." But that's all he says for some time, Gregor keeping his gaze focused ahead now, thinking carefully. He's often found that staying quiet invites others to incriminate themselves-- not that he thinks of incriminating Miles, but if there's anyone prone to filling silence, it's him. Normally he makes it look deceptively easy in a way Gregor wishes he could emulate. When he can't, that's another sign to worry.