[ There's a long moment of...silence isn't exactly the name for it. There's noise, general psychic noise and tremors and uncertainty. Nothing distinct, just...nerves. He responds, finally, with a rather strained:
Maybe. Allies are useful. But I don't like the possibility of them thinking they have some hold on me.
In truth, there's a dread of them, of everything. He hates the thought of them coming near to him and smothering him with kisses and generally being horrifically affectionate and false. He hates the thought of them treating him coldly, though, too, because...Because to have a family, but to be second-best, to have them always looking at Miles with approval and him as just the-one-who-isn't-Miles, the shadow, stronger bones but weaker everything else...That fills him with an ache deeper than any other. He couldn't deal with that. It's the safest option.
And yet. Family...Someone looking out for him - There was a time when he'd hungered for that. He doesn't know whether he still does, or whether he managed to kill that stupid, pointless desire... ]
no subject
Maybe. Allies are useful. But I don't like the possibility of them thinking they have some hold on me.
In truth, there's a dread of them, of everything. He hates the thought of them coming near to him and smothering him with kisses and generally being horrifically affectionate and false. He hates the thought of them treating him coldly, though, too, because...Because to have a family, but to be second-best, to have them always looking at Miles with approval and him as just the-one-who-isn't-Miles, the shadow, stronger bones but weaker everything else...That fills him with an ache deeper than any other. He couldn't deal with that. It's the safest option.
And yet. Family...Someone looking out for him - There was a time when he'd hungered for that. He doesn't know whether he still does, or whether he managed to kill that stupid, pointless desire... ]