[ That's not so difficult for Miles, and in any case, Gregor shoots a glance up at the suggestion, like a startled cat.
He hasn't had his experiences with Kitty here, not more than part of the dream, and so he's scared, doesn't trust himself or how he'll react. But how he feels for Miles seems to go deeper than memory, seems to be embedded in his bones, chasing him all his life and waiting for him to realize it was there. Trust... He doesn't have to trust himself; he trusts Miles, indelibly.
But, as always, Gregor is too self-controlled to give himself over to abandon that easily. He reins himself in. ] If I start, I won't be able to stop, [ he says frankly, although that's not true. It would just be excruciating to have something and then not have it again. ] You have to-- to be sure, Miles. That you want to deal with this whole mess, all of this. [ Gregor and his issues and Barrayar. And learning how to be together in a wholly new capacity. ]
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He hasn't had his experiences with Kitty here, not more than part of the dream, and so he's scared, doesn't trust himself or how he'll react. But how he feels for Miles seems to go deeper than memory, seems to be embedded in his bones, chasing him all his life and waiting for him to realize it was there. Trust... He doesn't have to trust himself; he trusts Miles, indelibly.
But, as always, Gregor is too self-controlled to give himself over to abandon that easily. He reins himself in. ] If I start, I won't be able to stop, [ he says frankly, although that's not true. It would just be excruciating to have something and then not have it again. ] You have to-- to be sure, Miles. That you want to deal with this whole mess, all of this. [ Gregor and his issues and Barrayar. And learning how to be together in a wholly new capacity. ]