[He stills, Miles's finger slipping out of his mouth at that fantasy. There's a rush back from him in response, a convoluted mess of uncertain fear (he's so likely to hurt Miles, doing those things) mixed up with fierce, hard need that has reached a boiling point having been denied for so long. Gregor wants to rough him up-- oh, yes. There's no misinterpreting that bit of what comes over the link. But likewise he's afraid of himself in doing so, a hundred vile ghosts of his own tied into it. Miles is right, they need to go slower.
But maybe... maybe if he's feeling that Miles wants that from him, unprovoked, unasked for, he can believe that it's the truth. That Gregor, as long as he's careful, wouldn't be doing anything bad by giving it to him. It seems too much what he wants to be real, and yet earlier Miles had liked his teeth on his neck.
All of it? he challenges back, all that dark intent and churning conflict behind the words. Don't say something you don't mean, tacit beneath it.
He needs to test it. Test his sincerity, that it's not just fantasies. But not-- not too fast, not too much at once, like Miles had thought. Their telepathy gives him another preliminary way to check, and Gregor opens up the fastened box in the corner of his mind that he hides from Miles and lets one vile part of himself slither out: his greed to have power over him, to feel him vulnerable beneath him and accepting. To Gregor, who's been ingrained to hate power, it's horrifying-- and it's exhilarating to imagine that certainty, that there is nothing hidden from him, no weakness he could show, loneliness eradicated. Safety.
This is what you'd be getting yourself into, he seems to say, checking-- me wanting control over you that I am not, actually, meant to be afforded.]
no subject
But maybe... maybe if he's feeling that Miles wants that from him, unprovoked, unasked for, he can believe that it's the truth. That Gregor, as long as he's careful, wouldn't be doing anything bad by giving it to him. It seems too much what he wants to be real, and yet earlier Miles had liked his teeth on his neck.
All of it? he challenges back, all that dark intent and churning conflict behind the words. Don't say something you don't mean, tacit beneath it.
He needs to test it. Test his sincerity, that it's not just fantasies. But not-- not too fast, not too much at once, like Miles had thought. Their telepathy gives him another preliminary way to check, and Gregor opens up the fastened box in the corner of his mind that he hides from Miles and lets one vile part of himself slither out: his greed to have power over him, to feel him vulnerable beneath him and accepting. To Gregor, who's been ingrained to hate power, it's horrifying-- and it's exhilarating to imagine that certainty, that there is nothing hidden from him, no weakness he could show, loneliness eradicated. Safety.
This is what you'd be getting yourself into, he seems to say, checking-- me wanting control over you that I am not, actually, meant to be afforded.]