[It would break something inviolate and very difficult to repair for Miles to do that; Gregor already only teeters over into luxuriating acceptance of this mental link because he trusts Miles absolutely, unconditionally, to not only accept with equanimity anything he feels or hears from Gregor but also not to harm him. He has so very little that he gets to keep for himself, and it is precious to him, even the festering parts. He shows them only deliberately.
There's no possible way to respond to this without exposing himself somehow. Yet he can't not respond to it, can't deflect when he feels how deeply this runs in Miles as a wound. That he'd wanted someone who 'bought into that rot' and it 'didn't work out well'-- The implications there make him quietly, deeply angry at this unknown woman. How long has this bled, unnoticed? The feeling of being torn in two worsens until he imagines he can feel himself break in half.
His hand retracts, again without totally conscious thought, and both of his land in his lap in a tight, composed grip.] I'm finding it very hard right now not to say something I'm going to dearly regret later. [His churning frustration bubbles up into a peak.]
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There's no possible way to respond to this without exposing himself somehow. Yet he can't not respond to it, can't deflect when he feels how deeply this runs in Miles as a wound. That he'd wanted someone who 'bought into that rot' and it 'didn't work out well'-- The implications there make him quietly, deeply angry at this unknown woman. How long has this bled, unnoticed? The feeling of being torn in two worsens until he imagines he can feel himself break in half.
His hand retracts, again without totally conscious thought, and both of his land in his lap in a tight, composed grip.] I'm finding it very hard right now not to say something I'm going to dearly regret later. [His churning frustration bubbles up into a peak.]