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Jonathan Sims ([personal profile] end_recording) wrote in [community profile] barrayar 2020-07-17 04:44 pm (UTC)

Jon would never be so emotionally intelligent or self-aware enough as to realize he should suggest he should stay in St. Louis on purpose.

He sighs, frowning at his plate. "Evening if I stay in the archives for the next... however many years, eating nothing but old written statements, there is no way to predict the course of my - my transformation. Eventually, the parts of me that care about not harming others will just - be gone."

He rubs a hand over his face, a gesture Jean-Claude has seen many times before when Jon has wrestled with his thoughts. "I suspect so, anyway. There's hardly a manual, but that seems to be the way the other avatars have gone. I don't know what the Institute will do with me at that point; lock me in a basement somewhere until I starve, most likely. If they can do anything at all."

He ends on a sardonic note but a shudder passes through him. It's not an idle thought.

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